Support: This is NOT a One Woman Journey

I learned very early in this journey, that this is not just a journey, but a partnership. It is not a journey that anyone makes alone, because my mom's cancer does not just affect her, it affects everyone in her sphere of influence! From day one I have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love that all of your have given to us. I think I can speak for my entire family when I overwhelmingly say thank you back. Gosh thank you just does not seem enough! I want you guys to see some of the support that has been given to mom. It is so cool for me to see how people love my mom. So hear are just a few pics for you to see some (Note: this does not fully represent the outpouring of love, no amount of pictures could do that)

Here is a picture of some of the cards mom has received over the last 5 weeks. A personal thank you to all of you who sent mom cards!

Now let's look at just one of the ways my Aunt Barbara has been loving on my mom. Auntie has been doing anything and everything she could to help and give her support. She has been there to love, cook, cry, sew, shop, and pretty much anything else she could do. Below is just one of the outfits that Auntie embroidered for my mom. She decided early on in this journey that mom would be the best dressed cancer patient out there. Auntie- thank you so much for all that you have been doing. I cannot express how much it has meant to me knowing that you are there to take care of mom and dad even when they don't think they need it!

Now below is a quilt that my Aunt Etta made. I am not sure how long it took her or if she had been working in this before mom was diagnosed, but it showed up at mom and dad's house within a few weeks of mom's diagnosis! It's it beautiful!?


This is what the message below says: Dear Joy, We hope this quilt will provide comfort for you in the next few months. When you use it we hope you feel out love wrapping around you. Wow, what a precious gift. I know mom has taken it with her during her chemo treatments. Aunt Etta, you are SO gifted. Thank you for this sweet gift!


And from my Uncle Warnock and Aunt Debbie soaps and stationary (mom and I share an affinity for stationary, I'm not sure where we got it from!)


And then there is my precious dad. My dad has always been my hero in the faith. He has so much wisdom and love for the Lord. I hope one day that I know as much about God's Word as my dad! My dad is so tender hearted (dad doesn't have alot of mercy). From day one my dad has been constant love and encouragement for mom. He has been more than support. He has been driver, chef, cleaner, medicine giver, listener, Bible reader, and on and on. However, his most memorable role to date has been that on nurse, or more specifically shot giver. Last week mom's white blood count was low and mom and dad live over an hour away from her doctor, so guess who got to give his first shot??? Yep...my dad. Here is the little shot giver below!


Okay, so now it's time for you to show the ways I have been supporting my mom. I don't have any artsy craftsy gifts to bestow upon my mom. So I have taken on a couple roles. The first one is this blog. This blog might be more for me than it is for mom, but it is one way I can give her support and help with communication to the outside world.

The next way I have been supporting her can be found below, with this t-shirt:

I have been wearing this shirt on the days that mom has chemo. Yes I wear it to work and everything. I will be honest, the first time I wore it I felt so vulnerable because I was telling everyone who saw me this very raw thing that was going on in my life. I never expected to feel so vulnerable. But each chemo day I proudly sport this shirt, it is one little thing that I can do to love on my mom.

The other thing I have in support came in this cute little box:

This is what is actually in the box:

I had this bracelet made on etsy. If you don't know what etsy is, well you are missing out! Etsy is an online selling place for homemade items of all kinds! A sweet girl made this bracelet for me. Here is a link for the etsy store I bought it: http://www.etsy.com/shop/hiphophippos it has two charms as you can see. One says "faith" the other is the breast cancer awareness ribbon. I chose the word faith because I feel like has been the what the Lord has called me to live over the last 5-6 weeks. He has called me to live by faith and walk in faith. I wear this bracelet everyday. It is a constant reminder of what reality is: my mom is battling breast cancer and it is a reminder to me to walk in what I know to be true: faith.

Below is a survival pack from my cousin Lisa who has also battled breast cancer. All kinds of goodies in here!

And then I saved the best for last. If there are any guys reading at this point you may feel a little uncomfortable...just a warning. It was necessary that I include a gift sent from the ladies in my home town. Mom and Dad don't live where I grew up and so she got a very special "support bra" in the mail from many of the ladies that are near and dear to my heart! Ladies of Ft. Sumner, you are AWESOME! Mom and I just laughed over these pictures! I loved zooming in on this picture and seeing all your signatures! Even my bestest friend (since I was 4 and she was 3) has signed it!


How my dad pulled this picture off I will never know!!! He's gutsy like that, but if you have ever met him you know that! So here is our cancer patient my friends sporting her "support bra", doesn't she look great?? Yeah I think so too!

Thank you so much for all the ways you have shown support to my family. We have been overwhelmed with the overflow of your love and support. Thank you for how you are loving on my mom right now!

I just want to end this post expressing my thanks again and saying that there has been so much more support than I could ever show! If a way you have shown support didn't get posted, know that more posts like this are coming in the future!

I also want to express that the biggest support my family will ever have is our relationship with God. He is our refuge, our strength, our present help in trouble! He sees all and knows all and He knows what the plan is even when we don't! If you don't have a relationship with God and would like to, please chat with me, mom, or dad! We would have no greater joy that to talk to you more about this!

As always we will consider it all joy!

Ashlee

Just When We Thought We Had It All Figured Out

Hey Everybody!

Gosh I feel like I have learned so much about cancer in the last few weeks and then still there is so much that I don't understand. I am just baffled by how complex cancer is and how many different forms there are and then how many different treatments there are. I keep telling people that my family and I are just learning as we go and this is very true.

When we began this journey just over a month ago mom was going to an oncologist in Albuquerque. The treatment process involved four months of chemo, surgery, and then radiation. So every other Friday Mom and Dad would get in the car and drive an almost 3 hour drive so that mom could get chemo. After four hours of mom being hooked up to chemo (or as I affectionately have named it "poison"), mom and dad would spend the night and get up the next morning and mom would get a shot. Then mom and dad would drive the almost 3 hour drive back home and wait and see how mom would respond to treatment.

So that is the plan.....I know the plan......and then comes.........CHANGE (it has been good change though..)

In the middle of all this mom went for her normal wellness checkup in Alamogordo. Her regular doctor asked her why she was driving all the way to Albuquerque for treatment and not having treatment in Alamo. Mom told the doctor that Alamo couldn't get her in until September and she couldn't wait that long. Well the doctor did what all good doctors do, he or she, made a phone call and got mom into the clinic in Alamo! YEAH!!!!!

Huge, huge blessings! Wait, let's count them out:

Blessing 1: Mom getting treatment in the town that is like half the distance

Blessing 2: All the money and wear and tear that is saved from not traveling as far and mom and dad not having to spend the night

Okay, so right there are two huge blessings! There are more to come! Mom and dad went for a meeting with the new doctor. The new doc told mom that she should go ahead and have her surgery instead of waiting. So the last week or so we have just been waiting to hear on when mom will have surgery. (September 21 for those who are wondering)

So mom went this last Thursday for her first treatment with the new doctor. So here are some more blessings:

Blessing 3: Mom doesn't have chemo again until after surgery

Blessing 4: Two of the nurses at the new doc's office are Christians. They made mom feel welcomed and comfortable

Blessing 5: Dad will be giving mom her next day shots from here on out. What is the shot? ummm I don't know, thats why I call it the next day shot, because she has been going the next day after chemo to get it! hahaha

Blessing 6: I get to go home for a week during mom's surgery

Blessing 7: The company that makes mom's anti-nausea drug is going to pay for it completely!

So there we are folks. In a few weeks mom will be having her surgery. She has 4 weeks from her last chemo round to surgery and then she will have 4 weeks of recovery before she starts chemo again. They are going to be changing up her chemo when she starts up again and I am really not sure what that is going to look like yet. I will keep you posted so you can be praying.

The past few weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. It is a constant choice of trusting the Lord to be more than enough in the midst of the madness. It is trusting Him to walk through every moment of this trial with us. And thus far He has proved Himself to be more than faithful. Not that He had to prove Himself, but He has continued to allow us to see the good in the midst of the pain.

How is mom doing in the midst of all of this? Well hair loss was a big struggle and it continues to be. I can't even imagine how she must feel. I think hair loss would be so scary to me. It has been a mountain before mom, but I have seen mom's faith grow more in the past month than I honestly have my entire life. I see mom's faith becoming something she knows and lives, not just something she talks about. I am so proud of her.

Please continue to pray for our family. Here are some ways you can pray: Mom as she deals with the loss of her hair, cancer in general, and her upcoming surgery also that she will be transparent with Dad and I with how she feels so we can help her, Dad as he walks day by day with mom and is her constant nurse, Me as I battle the difficulty of being far away from my family in the midst of the scary disease.

Mom Goes to Look Good Feel Better

One of the things I have learned on this journey is how the money you give to The American Cancer Society is not given in vain and it reaches all the way to the patient. Let me tell you about one of the programs that mom got to be apart of that is sponsored by the American Cancer Society. This program is called Look Good Feel Better.

When Mom went to LGFB I really didn't know much about it. I later went online a did more research and found out that the program mom went to is nation wide. Look Good Feel Better is a program designed to teach women beauty techniques while helping them maintain their self image throughout the cancer process.

Aunt Barbara went with Mom to her LGFB appointment. A group of ladies talked to her about beauty care, how chemo changes your skin, and walked her through a beauty care regiment. She described the experience to be somewhat like a Mary Kay party.

Mom was most concerned about trying on wigs. She knew they would give her the opportunity to try on several different types of wigs. Mom was really feeling nervous about losing her hair and she had been looking at lots of wigs online and had me looking at wigs online trying to get feedback from me on what I thought. I'll be honest, looking at wigs was hard for me and kind of emotionally draining. It's one thing to look at them and something completely different to process the idea of my mom wearing the wig and the reasons behind why she would need it.

Well the LGFB ladies almost ran out of time and mom was starting to feel panicked because she hadn't gotten to try on any wigs. So in the end she only got to try on one wig and to make her feel even more scared they told her they didn't have any blonde wigs. I can only imagine the panic that must have crossed her face. The ladies talked mom into the brunette wig with blonde highlights.

As she left mom was given a bag full of goodies and the wig she had picked out. Come to find out, the bag was full of beauty products, over $300 worth of beauty products! Wow! What a blessing from the Lord. The products ranged from Dove to Chanel. The wig? The wig was the exact brand that mom had been looking at: Raquel Welch and is worth over $200.

Let me show you Mom's goodies from Look Good Feel Better!

Here is all the Educational Info Mom received. Mom's favorite of this was the organizer for all your paperwork, meds, and such. I know those of you who know my mom are laughing at this! It's okay I laughed too!


And here are all the beauty products mom was given. Please note one piece that is missing is the Mary Kay that must have immediately gone under Mom's side of the bathroom cabinet. Please note how much the wig looks like how Mom has always worn her hair! I am so impressed! What a huge blessing!

Guys, I was so blessed that mom got this opportunity. I really wish I could describe what a big deal this was not only to me, but especially to mom. Especially when a week later mom would lose all her hair and she would need all those tips and the wig.

When I was doing research on Look Good Feel Better I found out that a company in my area donates money to the program. This company is owned by a family that I know and love greatly. I got the chance to extend my gratitude personally and encourage them to keep giving. It was such a cool opportunity.

As I sit here to finish this post I just got off the phone with my mom and my heart is kind of broken and at the same time I know I am still in shock. And once again I find myself in the same place I have found myself the past month. I am sitting here knowing I have a choice to make. I can sit here in my brokenness and just hurt or I can sit here and choose to focus on the good things that the Lord has given us and the good that the Lord is in His very nature. So I'm going to choose to focus on the Lord and all the good that He is and that He is doing.

So let's give the Lord honor and glory for what He is doing:

Praise: Mom's trip to Look Good Feel Better and all her free goodies!

Praise: Family and friends that are so supportive

Praise: Mom changing doctors so that she can be closer to her doctor and won't have to stay overnight after treatment (The difference between Albuquerque and Alamogordo)

Praise: Mom being prescribed better anti-nausea meds that make her feel so much better AND insurance covering it

Praise: A sweet Uncle who picked up bandannas for mom this week to cover her sensitive bald head

Praise: A precious Auntie who went with Mom to Look Good Feel Better and helped her have a wonderful time!

Praise: A God who has been so faithful and His power being so evident. A God who is full of grace and peace and has given it to me and my family.

Thank you guys for reading and loving us so much! I appreciate you more than you know! Your prayers are so greatly appreciated I cannot even begin to express!

Playing Catch Up

I know, there are alot of you that are curious about mom. I want to catch all of you up on the happenings of the last few weeks.

I got home from camp on Friday afternoon, okay evening by the time I made it home. I started making phone calls and calling everyone back that had called me to talk about mom. Over the next week I talked to mom and dad every day or every other day. Mom continued to be positive. She continued to walk by faith and place her trust in the Lord. Every day she shared the ways she was seeing God's grace in the midst of what she was walking through.

1 week and 1 day after mom's diagnosis, mom had her first chemo treatment (yes it all happened so fast we barely had time to think and process). Mom will have chemo every other week for 4 months. As always, I'm gonna be honest with you. I sat at my desk at work the day mom began chemo and all I could think about was her. What was happening, how was she responding, what was her attitude like? My mind raced and so did my heart. I hated that they were pouring poison into my mom's body. I was pretty emotional that day. A friend at work loaned me her Kari Jobe cd. That was really awesome. I sat at my desk and was able to pray for my mom and praise the Lord.

From everything we were told everyone responds differently to chemo and they can't promise exactly how you will respond, but they do tell you that your body will start responding 2-3 days after treatment. So we did what has started to become a continuous process for us: we sat and waited and prayed for the best. Day 1 mom felt really good, she slept well the night after the treatment. Day 2, she slept pretty much all day and felt sick to her stomach. I could tell when I talked to her that day that she didn't feel good. Day 3, well it was really bad. Mom was really sick. So sick she couldn't talk to me on the phone that evening. Day 4 things starting looking up and mom started rebounding and she continued to feel better each day.

As mom and I have talked we have both been so overwhelmed by the overflow of love. Mom describes this as the precious things that have been happening. I want to share with you in mom's own words the precious things that she is seeing:

Precious: Mom doing my ironing at 81 when she can hardly lift the iron and sitting with me all day so the guys can take care of some errands. .

Precious: My daughter calling all day long checking on me and praying over her long distance when she is so sick in Round 1.

Precious: Uncle Boyce driving to Ruidoso at night to pick up prescriptions when mom wouldn't let dad leave her alone.

Precious: Aunt Barbara monogramming everything in sight so that I can be the best dressed chemo patient while out and bringing gorgeous totes to carry my stuff back and forth from Albq.

Precious: Aunt Barbara cooking for dad when he would not have fed himself because "chemo - round 1" was so tough on me.

Precious: Scripture and more scripture coming from a precious daughter who knows and loves the Lord more than anything else.

Precious: Cards, cards, cards, calls, calls, calls, e-mails, e-mails, e-mails.

Precious: Friends and family offering to come in to take care of me - pay their own way - pay for their own food - anything - just to be here to help.

Precious: Friends and family offering to come sit with me while receiving chemo in Albq..

Precious: Friends who have donated hair and now hope some of the blonde hair comes my way.

Precious: Confirmations from family who can say they know they know Christ as their saviour and can rejoice that regardless what happens - assurance that I will be "forever" with the Lord and the comfort that brings.

Precious: A niece who has just finished her own terrific battle with this disease and is checking on me every day and coaching on meds - things that can happen - her own story to make my path easier.

It just goes on and on.......

Now it's my turn:

Precious: A boyfriend who has prayed over me and for me since I first heard about mom.

Precious: Godly roommates that immediately called me at camp and prayed over me out loud in our house, who continue to pray and love and encourage me

Precious: Seeing the Lord working in mom and dad in the midst of cancer

Precious: The ability to be a testimony and speak truth to others within 24 hrs of knowing mom might have cancer

Precious: Friends and family that have wrapped me in prayer and love

Precious: A work family that has supported me in every way they can

Precious: Phone call after phone call from people calling to check on me

Precious: My best friend crying with me and reminding me we are family and my mom is her mom

Precious: My college roommate calling mom and crying with her on the phone

Precious: A friend from high school seeking me out just to check on me (and continuing to do so) because she has walked alongside her own mom and her battle with breast cancer

Precious: The way people have sought be out to tell me how much they love my mom and that they are praying for her

Precious: God's timing being perfect in everything. His grace being so evident that all I can do is stand amazed. His peace being so strong.

I could go on and on. These are just a small portion of the ways we have been overwhelmed with love. So thank you! Thank you for blessing us and loving us! Thank you for being instruments of grace! God is so good to us!