I never thought twice about what I would name this blog. In fact I had a name for it before I knew there would be a name. To be honest, I can't take any credit for it, it comes straight from scripture.
James 1: 2-5 says " Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him."
This was one of the questions the Lord asked me when I first found out my mom might have cancer. "Ashlee, will you consider this all joy?"
I'll be really honest with you. There was this huge part of me that wanted to close my eyes and pretend like none of this was happening. But I knew that I couldn't do that. I couldn't climb in bed and pull the covers over me and sleep everything way even though I really wanted to. Instead I must throw the curtains back, rejoice and consider everything joy.
You see joy, true joy is contentment despite the circumstances. It is not about happiness. It is not driven by circumstance. It is a choice in the midst of circumstance.
You might be asking, Ashlee how can you find joy when your mom has cancer? How is joy even possible? Well, you must know where you find joy! That is key! Well lets go back to the word and see what it says. You see you can't look at the world's definition of joy, you must look at God's. In Psalms 16:11 we see David say "in Your presence is fullness of joy" Wow! Where is joy found? In the presence of God! True joy can only be found in the presence of the Lord! Let's look one other place in the Bible Nehemiah 8:10. Here we see Nehemiah say "the joy of the Lord is your strength." You see that is where I am right now. That is where my strength comes from, it is from the joy I have that is based in and from God. Joy is possible when my mom has cancer because God is my source of joy!
Please don't fool yourself. True joy will not be found anywhere else. Yeah you might be happy for a time, but isn't it driven by whether or not the circumstances around you are good or bad? In the last several weeks I have heard alot of people tell me that they can tell my faith in God drives me and that it is getting me through this hard time. And it does. My faith, hope, peace, joy are found in God alone. But I beg you to see, that it can be yours too. Where, who, or what are you looking to for joy? If you are interested in how you can find true joy, let me know. I would love to share more with you about this!
Okay so let's go back to the main verse and unpack it a little. First, we need to know that the book of James is written to Christians (therefore it applies to all who profess to be Christians). James 1:2 says that Christians are to consider it all joy WHEN you encounter various trials. Notice James didn't say if, he says WHEN. James knew that trials would come, in fact they are promised. What I am living right now is a trial. You see the trial or testing of faith produces endurance and endurance makes you complete lacking in nothing. What in the world does it mean to be complete, lacking in nothing? It means to be mature. WOW! Cool stuff, there is purpose in the trial! It is not just there for no reason! I'll be honest, for me that changes everything! There is purpose in my mom having breast cancer. It is not just a mistake or an accident and the purpose is clear: maturity.
Then James brings out a contrast he says BUT if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God. I think this is so interesting. I definitely need wisdom in the midst of this trial. I need wisdom pretty much all the time anyway, but especially in the midst of a trial! So where do I go? I ask God for it!
Okay, lets bring it full circle and see how all this applies! As I walk through this trial I am to consider it all joy. I am to walk in contentment every step of the way. I am to speak that contentment to others. I am to seek wisdom from God the only one who is wise! And where do I go for joy and wisdom? Who is the source of these things? Yep, that's right! The source is God. I am to place my focus on God in this and not focus on the circumstance. I am to rejoice in the Lord, no matter what happens. So what about you? Are you a Christian? If so, how do you respond in the midst of trial? Are you considering it all joy??
Walking worthy and considering it all joy - Ashlee
Friday, July 30, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
The Diagnosis
Mom and Dad both told me it would be several days before we would have results back from the biopsy. But the next evening Mom was calling me again to give me the results of her biopsy. I have never heard my Mom be so brave before.
She spoke the words slow like molasses and heavy like they were weighted down by anchors. She spoke them like maybe if she didn't say them they wouldn't be real. Her words were clear and simple "I have breast cancer." Those words and my Mom's strength in saying them are etched into my memory.
She proceeded to talk to me and try to explain what she knew. I wish I could describe the peace that I heard in her voice. Her voice transferred from heaviness to a smooth sweet sound. She spoke about how she felt the Lord with her and that He had given her an amazing peace despite the circumstances. Mom spoke with a peace that could only be given by the Prince of Peace. If you would like to have that kind of peace, let's chat one on one and I would love to share with you how you can have the same kind of peace.
Until she met with her oncologist the next day we really didn't know much more. Mom rattled off a list of letters and numbers to me describing her diagnosis. Later I would find out she was giving me her exact diagnosis. All I understood was that Mom had cancer, it was in a lymph node, but had not spread throughout her body. Her treatment would be 4 months of chemo every other week, then surgery, then radiation. Mom would be losing her hair and she was going to be sick.
Mom is like the strongest person I know. She can out work any man, no lies. Thinking about her being sick is a hard mental image for me. Honestly, my brain can barely compute it.
As I hung up the phone that Thursday afternoon, I thought about all that had happened within a 24 hr period. My life had drastically changed, but Mom's had changed way more than I could even imagine. My mind went back to a familiar verse I had been reading that morning during my quiet time. It is from Isaiah 54:10. This is what it says "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you." The Lord gently reminded me that He had not changed. His love had not lifted itself off my family and I. I love when the Lord speaks to me that way. When he looks me in the eyes and says "Ashlee, I am still God. I do not waiver, put your trust in Me because I am more than enough. Get a grip and hang on, don't let go. Yes everything has changed, but I AM is still here." I wish I could explain the comfort that brings.
Mom and I spoke often the next few days after I got back from camp. Her peace and strength remained constant. Her trust in the Lord did not waiver. I stood back in awe of my Mom. But more than that I was in awe of the way the Lord had blessed my family. The Lord blessed my parents and I with amazing peace. The kind of peace that surpasses all understanding. The Lord had completely wrapped Himself around us and given us strength and hope and grace that could only come from Him. We spoke so many times of how good our God is, how amazing His grace was, and how grateful we were that He does not change.
Please hear me when I say this, my mom having cancer does not change how good God is. God is still good no matter what. My mom having cancer does not change who He is in His very nature. My mom having cancer is not a surprise to Him. In fact, I believe Mom's cancer is apart of His plan for my family. Please hear me, God is still the same God and He is trustworthy. And I will continue to give Him honor, glory, and praise. Why? How can I not?
Walking worthy and considering it ALL JOY - Ashlee
She spoke the words slow like molasses and heavy like they were weighted down by anchors. She spoke them like maybe if she didn't say them they wouldn't be real. Her words were clear and simple "I have breast cancer." Those words and my Mom's strength in saying them are etched into my memory.
She proceeded to talk to me and try to explain what she knew. I wish I could describe the peace that I heard in her voice. Her voice transferred from heaviness to a smooth sweet sound. She spoke about how she felt the Lord with her and that He had given her an amazing peace despite the circumstances. Mom spoke with a peace that could only be given by the Prince of Peace. If you would like to have that kind of peace, let's chat one on one and I would love to share with you how you can have the same kind of peace.
Until she met with her oncologist the next day we really didn't know much more. Mom rattled off a list of letters and numbers to me describing her diagnosis. Later I would find out she was giving me her exact diagnosis. All I understood was that Mom had cancer, it was in a lymph node, but had not spread throughout her body. Her treatment would be 4 months of chemo every other week, then surgery, then radiation. Mom would be losing her hair and she was going to be sick.
Mom is like the strongest person I know. She can out work any man, no lies. Thinking about her being sick is a hard mental image for me. Honestly, my brain can barely compute it.
As I hung up the phone that Thursday afternoon, I thought about all that had happened within a 24 hr period. My life had drastically changed, but Mom's had changed way more than I could even imagine. My mind went back to a familiar verse I had been reading that morning during my quiet time. It is from Isaiah 54:10. This is what it says "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you." The Lord gently reminded me that He had not changed. His love had not lifted itself off my family and I. I love when the Lord speaks to me that way. When he looks me in the eyes and says "Ashlee, I am still God. I do not waiver, put your trust in Me because I am more than enough. Get a grip and hang on, don't let go. Yes everything has changed, but I AM is still here." I wish I could explain the comfort that brings.
Mom and I spoke often the next few days after I got back from camp. Her peace and strength remained constant. Her trust in the Lord did not waiver. I stood back in awe of my Mom. But more than that I was in awe of the way the Lord had blessed my family. The Lord blessed my parents and I with amazing peace. The kind of peace that surpasses all understanding. The Lord had completely wrapped Himself around us and given us strength and hope and grace that could only come from Him. We spoke so many times of how good our God is, how amazing His grace was, and how grateful we were that He does not change.
Please hear me when I say this, my mom having cancer does not change how good God is. God is still good no matter what. My mom having cancer does not change who He is in His very nature. My mom having cancer is not a surprise to Him. In fact, I believe Mom's cancer is apart of His plan for my family. Please hear me, God is still the same God and He is trustworthy. And I will continue to give Him honor, glory, and praise. Why? How can I not?
Walking worthy and considering it ALL JOY - Ashlee
Monday, July 26, 2010
The Journey Begins
I'm going to be 100% honest with you. I never thought this would be a journey I would walk. Never in a million years.
I will never forget walking outside the worship center at church camp to call my dad back. He had called me twice on the same day, normally that wouldn't be a warning sign in my head. But mom and dad knew I was at camp with my students from church, so they would only call if something was wrong.
Dad started off the conversation like he does every conversation. Always jovial, always joking. Then he said those words I had been dreading "Well there is something I need to tell you." The next words I don't really remember, but I mouthed to someone outside with me "Go get Greg, go get him now". Dad proceeded to tell me that mom was going in the next day for a biopsy for breast cancer. Breast cancer, they sounded like cuss words and they were so heavy, my mouth could barely form the words. By this time my boyfriend had come out of the worship center and was standing next to me. Dad put mom on the phone and we both cried together. I hung up with both of them and turned around right into Greg's arms and just cried. I then proceeded to tell him the news that had just been given to me.
Greg immediately took me to sit on a bench and he just started praying over me. After he was finished he asked me to talk to him about how I was feeling. I told him exactly what I was feeling. I was feeling scared and frustrated. I didn't understand why this was happening to my mom. As I was sharing with Greg how I was feeling I heard the Lord speak very clearly to me. It reached to the depth of who I was. Over and over God was asking me "Ashlee do you trust me?" "Ashlee do you believe I am bigger than this?" "Ashlee do you love me and trust me enough to walk by faith in this?""Ashlee will you consider this all joy?".
What you need to understand at this point is that I am a Christian. I have been since I was in the 3rd grade. Being a Christian is not about going to church or doing good things, it is about having a personal relationship with God. It is about understanding that I am a sinner and in need of some one to save me out of that sin. You also need to know that I work with students each week in my church. I tell the girls in my small group each week what it looks like to trust God, to walk in faith, to hold on to Him with a death grip. Those same girls were with me at camp that week. So I looked at Greg and bluntly said "I need to pray, I need to pray right now."
I bowed my head and began to pour out my heart to God. I expresed my fear and frustrations, but more importantly I told Him I trusted Him. That even if my mom had cancer and even if He decided to take my mom to heaven I trusted Him. I laid all of these things at His feet. As I did I felt the fear leaving and God's peace and strength pouring through my body. I felt like I had been wrapped in bubble wrap and completely enveloped by God. Now, what you need to know is that didn't mean I didn't still cry. It didn't mean my heart didn't hurt. It meant that I trusted God to be who He is the Sovereign God over all creation who knows all and does all things. It meant I put all my trust and fears in the arms of God and trusted that God would work all these things together for our good (Romans 8:28).
After the prayer I could tell Greg had something he wanted to say to me. I told him just to spit it out and ask it. He said "Ashlee, how do you think God could use this with your girls this week?" It was then that God gave me a big picture view of what was happening. The Lord used Greg to show me that He has purpose in the chaos that was surrounding me. Has it not a typo there. I believe that in this journey God is at work. My prayer is that through my transparency God will be glorified and maybe someone who reads this blog will want to have a personal relationship with Christ.
Thus my journey began. My journey of walking what I know to be true about God and His Word. That is what I want this blog to be about. I want it to be a testimony of how good God is in the midst of trials. I hope that through the words I write you will see God, His love, and His grace, and His hope. If you do not see God in this, then I have failed terribly! I will also use this blog to keep everyone updated on mom's fight against breast cancer, but I know it is her hope that this blog would not really be about her, but that through her fight that God would be glorified. Thank you for joining the journey with us, we love you all greatly! There will be lots more in the days to come, so please keep coming back for more!
Walking worthy and considering it all joy- Ashlee
I will never forget walking outside the worship center at church camp to call my dad back. He had called me twice on the same day, normally that wouldn't be a warning sign in my head. But mom and dad knew I was at camp with my students from church, so they would only call if something was wrong.
Dad started off the conversation like he does every conversation. Always jovial, always joking. Then he said those words I had been dreading "Well there is something I need to tell you." The next words I don't really remember, but I mouthed to someone outside with me "Go get Greg, go get him now". Dad proceeded to tell me that mom was going in the next day for a biopsy for breast cancer. Breast cancer, they sounded like cuss words and they were so heavy, my mouth could barely form the words. By this time my boyfriend had come out of the worship center and was standing next to me. Dad put mom on the phone and we both cried together. I hung up with both of them and turned around right into Greg's arms and just cried. I then proceeded to tell him the news that had just been given to me.
Greg immediately took me to sit on a bench and he just started praying over me. After he was finished he asked me to talk to him about how I was feeling. I told him exactly what I was feeling. I was feeling scared and frustrated. I didn't understand why this was happening to my mom. As I was sharing with Greg how I was feeling I heard the Lord speak very clearly to me. It reached to the depth of who I was. Over and over God was asking me "Ashlee do you trust me?" "Ashlee do you believe I am bigger than this?" "Ashlee do you love me and trust me enough to walk by faith in this?""Ashlee will you consider this all joy?".
What you need to understand at this point is that I am a Christian. I have been since I was in the 3rd grade. Being a Christian is not about going to church or doing good things, it is about having a personal relationship with God. It is about understanding that I am a sinner and in need of some one to save me out of that sin. You also need to know that I work with students each week in my church. I tell the girls in my small group each week what it looks like to trust God, to walk in faith, to hold on to Him with a death grip. Those same girls were with me at camp that week. So I looked at Greg and bluntly said "I need to pray, I need to pray right now."
I bowed my head and began to pour out my heart to God. I expresed my fear and frustrations, but more importantly I told Him I trusted Him. That even if my mom had cancer and even if He decided to take my mom to heaven I trusted Him. I laid all of these things at His feet. As I did I felt the fear leaving and God's peace and strength pouring through my body. I felt like I had been wrapped in bubble wrap and completely enveloped by God. Now, what you need to know is that didn't mean I didn't still cry. It didn't mean my heart didn't hurt. It meant that I trusted God to be who He is the Sovereign God over all creation who knows all and does all things. It meant I put all my trust and fears in the arms of God and trusted that God would work all these things together for our good (Romans 8:28).
After the prayer I could tell Greg had something he wanted to say to me. I told him just to spit it out and ask it. He said "Ashlee, how do you think God could use this with your girls this week?" It was then that God gave me a big picture view of what was happening. The Lord used Greg to show me that He has purpose in the chaos that was surrounding me. Has it not a typo there. I believe that in this journey God is at work. My prayer is that through my transparency God will be glorified and maybe someone who reads this blog will want to have a personal relationship with Christ.
Thus my journey began. My journey of walking what I know to be true about God and His Word. That is what I want this blog to be about. I want it to be a testimony of how good God is in the midst of trials. I hope that through the words I write you will see God, His love, and His grace, and His hope. If you do not see God in this, then I have failed terribly! I will also use this blog to keep everyone updated on mom's fight against breast cancer, but I know it is her hope that this blog would not really be about her, but that through her fight that God would be glorified. Thank you for joining the journey with us, we love you all greatly! There will be lots more in the days to come, so please keep coming back for more!
Walking worthy and considering it all joy- Ashlee
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