The Diagnosis

Mom and Dad both told me it would be several days before we would have results back from the biopsy. But the next evening Mom was calling me again to give me the results of her biopsy. I have never heard my Mom be so brave before.

She spoke the words slow like molasses and heavy like they were weighted down by anchors. She spoke them like maybe if she didn't say them they wouldn't be real. Her words were clear and simple "I have breast cancer." Those words and my Mom's strength in saying them are etched into my memory.

She proceeded to talk to me and try to explain what she knew. I wish I could describe the peace that I heard in her voice. Her voice transferred from heaviness to a smooth sweet sound. She spoke about how she felt the Lord with her and that He had given her an amazing peace despite the circumstances. Mom spoke with a peace that could only be given by the Prince of Peace. If you would like to have that kind of peace, let's chat one on one and I would love to share with you how you can have the same kind of peace.

Until she met with her oncologist the next day we really didn't know much more. Mom rattled off a list of letters and numbers to me describing her diagnosis. Later I would find out she was giving me her exact diagnosis. All I understood was that Mom had cancer, it was in a lymph node, but had not spread throughout her body. Her treatment would be 4 months of chemo every other week, then surgery, then radiation. Mom would be losing her hair and she was going to be sick.

Mom is like the strongest person I know. She can out work any man, no lies. Thinking about her being sick is a hard mental image for me. Honestly, my brain can barely compute it.

As I hung up the phone that Thursday afternoon, I thought about all that had happened within a 24 hr period. My life had drastically changed, but Mom's had changed way more than I could even imagine. My mind went back to a familiar verse I had been reading that morning during my quiet time. It is from Isaiah 54:10. This is what it says "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the LORD, who has compassion on you." The Lord gently reminded me that He had not changed. His love had not lifted itself off my family and I. I love when the Lord speaks to me that way. When he looks me in the eyes and says "Ashlee, I am still God. I do not waiver, put your trust in Me because I am more than enough. Get a grip and hang on, don't let go. Yes everything has changed, but I AM is still here." I wish I could explain the comfort that brings.

Mom and I spoke often the next few days after I got back from camp. Her peace and strength remained constant. Her trust in the Lord did not waiver. I stood back in awe of my Mom. But more than that I was in awe of the way the Lord had blessed my family. The Lord blessed my parents and I with amazing peace. The kind of peace that surpasses all understanding. The Lord had completely wrapped Himself around us and given us strength and hope and grace that could only come from Him. We spoke so many times of how good our God is, how amazing His grace was, and how grateful we were that He does not change.

Please hear me when I say this, my mom having cancer does not change how good God is. God is still good no matter what. My mom having cancer does not change who He is in His very nature. My mom having cancer is not a surprise to Him. In fact, I believe Mom's cancer is apart of His plan for my family. Please hear me, God is still the same God and He is trustworthy. And I will continue to give Him honor, glory, and praise. Why? How can I not?

Walking worthy and considering it ALL JOY - Ashlee