The Journey Begins

I'm going to be 100% honest with you. I never thought this would be a journey I would walk. Never in a million years.

I will never forget walking outside the worship center at church camp to call my dad back. He had called me twice on the same day, normally that wouldn't be a warning sign in my head. But mom and dad knew I was at camp with my students from church, so they would only call if something was wrong.

Dad started off the conversation like he does every conversation. Always jovial, always joking. Then he said those words I had been dreading "Well there is something I need to tell you." The next words I don't really remember, but I mouthed to someone outside with me "Go get Greg, go get him now". Dad proceeded to tell me that mom was going in the next day for a biopsy for breast cancer. Breast cancer, they sounded like cuss words and they were so heavy, my mouth could barely form the words. By this time my boyfriend had come out of the worship center and was standing next to me. Dad put mom on the phone and we both cried together. I hung up with both of them and turned around right into Greg's arms and just cried. I then proceeded to tell him the news that had just been given to me.

Greg immediately took me to sit on a bench and he just started praying over me. After he was finished he asked me to talk to him about how I was feeling. I told him exactly what I was feeling. I was feeling scared and frustrated. I didn't understand why this was happening to my mom. As I was sharing with Greg how I was feeling I heard the Lord speak very clearly to me. It reached to the depth of who I was. Over and over God was asking me "Ashlee do you trust me?" "Ashlee do you believe I am bigger than this?" "Ashlee do you love me and trust me enough to walk by faith in this?""Ashlee will you consider this all joy?".

What you need to understand at this point is that I am a Christian. I have been since I was in the 3rd grade. Being a Christian is not about going to church or doing good things, it is about having a personal relationship with God. It is about understanding that I am a sinner and in need of some one to save me out of that sin. You also need to know that I work with students each week in my church. I tell the girls in my small group each week what it looks like to trust God, to walk in faith, to hold on to Him with a death grip. Those same girls were with me at camp that week. So I looked at Greg and bluntly said "I need to pray, I need to pray right now."

I bowed my head and began to pour out my heart to God. I expresed my fear and frustrations, but more importantly I told Him I trusted Him. That even if my mom had cancer and even if He decided to take my mom to heaven I trusted Him. I laid all of these things at His feet. As I did I felt the fear leaving and God's peace and strength pouring through my body. I felt like I had been wrapped in bubble wrap and completely enveloped by God. Now, what you need to know is that didn't mean I didn't still cry. It didn't mean my heart didn't hurt. It meant that I trusted God to be who He is the Sovereign God over all creation who knows all and does all things. It meant I put all my trust and fears in the arms of God and trusted that God would work all these things together for our good (Romans 8:28).

After the prayer I could tell Greg had something he wanted to say to me. I told him just to spit it out and ask it. He said "Ashlee, how do you think God could use this with your girls this week?" It was then that God gave me a big picture view of what was happening. The Lord used Greg to show me that He has purpose in the chaos that was surrounding me. Has it not a typo there. I believe that in this journey God is at work. My prayer is that through my transparency God will be glorified and maybe someone who reads this blog will want to have a personal relationship with Christ.

Thus my journey began. My journey of walking what I know to be true about God and His Word. That is what I want this blog to be about. I want it to be a testimony of how good God is in the midst of trials. I hope that through the words I write you will see God, His love, and His grace, and His hope. If you do not see God in this, then I have failed terribly! I will also use this blog to keep everyone updated on mom's fight against breast cancer, but I know it is her hope that this blog would not really be about her, but that through her fight that God would be glorified. Thank you for joining the journey with us, we love you all greatly! There will be lots more in the days to come, so please keep coming back for more!

Walking worthy and considering it all joy- Ashlee